I think deep down I’ve always had this little girl mentality of big dreams, big ideals, and sparkling hopes for what’s to come. Even now as an adult the thought of dreams and dreaming leaves me with a calming nature trusting that something is always possible if I just keep believing. I have always been the little girl who never truly fit a mold, fighting against gender stereotypes and expectations of what girls are supposed to be like. When I was about 9 or 10 I saw my brother win his first tennis trophy, and I was determined to earn one of my own. I got there. And again and again every year afterwards. When I was 12 years old, I had to give up my dance life as prices were soaring too high to keep up with it. However, my mother asked me what else I would maybe enjoy. A friend of mine had taken up playing basketball in the OBA (Ontario Basketball Association), and so I thought I would give basketball a go. I made the B team. Within the first 30 minutes of our very first practice I was promoted to the A team, and at age 13 I was a starting player and this never changed on any sports team from there on out. In high school, being known as the basketball chick, I taught myself to shoot ‘like a guy’, because it made it more difficult for tall girls to block my shots. Over a summer I changed my form and had guys asking me to teach them how to shoot by the next season. I mean, even when I was in dance lessons it was as if being a ballerina was my alias, because I was in my brother’s hand-me-down jeans and t-shirts with my ball cap and sneakers by day, and make-up, french braids and tutus during the semi-annual recitals.
When I was little, I dreamed of being a ballerina. This later changed to a basketball player in the WNBA, and other days I was aiming for the NBA. In high school, I had coaches tell me my dreams were the impossible. Lesson to those people – girls like me do not take to this kindly. To be honest, I’ve always found it hard confiding in people about my aspirations because I get tired of the looks of doubt. My dreams in university changed, and I reached the point of dreaming of life alterations, experiences, epiphanies, and tales of hopeless romance. I’ve had a lot of ‘doubt’ in my life, a lot of negative, pessimistic souls and my dreams have taken a huge hit over the years.
But I still dream of the impossible, the improbable, the kinds of dreams that make you cry when you wonder if you’re ever worthy of them. I dream of the good, wonderful people I hope to meet, the places and stories I wish to explore, the moments in life that make dreams worth dreaming. On hard days which end in hard nights, I dream of finding everything that makes me feel worthy of happiness, and I hope so hard that it all comes true.
I dream of the impossible everyday. I dream of the life I am striving for, of the people in this life, and the story I hope to write.
I really am just a little girl at heart, but I truly believe that this part of my heart will always remain the strongest, the kindest, and the bravest.
Love from, Vic Louise xoxoxo