Life has taken to its unruly behaviour again as of late, so many ups and downs and turn arounds. Actually, more topsy turvy business than anything else, really. On good news worth celebrating, I have officially been awarded with my Master of Arts in International Studies with finalized lists being posted this past week. There is no sigh large enough to encapsulate my emotions of this all being done and over with. It’s been a long time since I felt an air of success, accomplishment, pride, but this definitely pushed my emotions in that direction.
Apart from this, I have been looking into attaining a position in Indianapolis with a design company which has required a huge amount of researching into the realm of work visas. Having met with a lawyer things look like they could work out, but I have never been in ‘limbo’ for this length of time before and the stress and anxiety is starting to take control of my brain. So many factors play into this opportunity, and at times I wish I could just hit the rewind button and prep myself more diligently for the reality that I’m in right now, and that is the reality of finding a job in one’s chosen field. I may sound obnoxious, but having worked my ass off for two degrees, I want to be happy with what I do on a day-to-day basis from now on. This does not mean a certain financial gain, but more so activities that are keeping me happy, sane, and comfortable. The simplistic things that people seek after in some shape or form.
Apart from facing the reality of the job hunt, my brain is feeling unsettled. I’m definitely an over-analyzer when it comes to life, but it’s because I so want to make the most of it and such requires avoiding self-inflicted pain, i.e pain that could be avoided by braving through tough, but right, decisions. In general I’ve never encountered much injustice in regards to tragedy – yes, I lost my father at a very young age, but I was truly lucky to have a dad like him to begin with so although it breaks my heart, it’s not an injustice but rather just the way it was. I think, however, I’m at a point where I know how hard I’ve worked to be where I am and who I am, and even the minor unfair bits of life seem unworthy of my attention anymore. You come across so many people in your life, and I’m at a point where the number of friends I have on social media sites is irrelevant, and I very much work to keep the small cluster of quality I have met in life close to me, rather than a cluster-fuck of idiots (those who can relate understand that this is the only way to describe these types of persons). I have worked my ass off to succeed in what I pursue, and I feel as though now I can only claim the amount of success of which I truly deserve – I cannot complain about unhappiness and stress if I continue to follow the lines that lead me to those domains… make sense? It’s like, you cannot bitch about not receiving an A on your test if you failed to study as hard as you possibly could – I don’t want to blame the world for my ignorance. I think venting is warranted for everyone – we’re human. But, in the long term, I know I control certain avenues in my life plan and thus want to plan accordingly… I want to earn my personal successes just as I have with my pursuits thus far in academia, sports, art, etc.
Anyways, that’s me right now. I think I need to go bungee jumping or something. Because I’m weird, and those things calm me. 🙂 Haha.
Love from, Vic Louise xoxoxo